From human longing to Divine Love

Infinite Bliss_Web

20 years ago when I was married I thought I fell in love with another man. We had some kind of magical, mysterious connection that was powerful and un-namable but very palpable within our energetic field. I became obsessed and filled with a deep, aching longing that took over my life. Being a good wife, of course I never acted upon this magnetic attraction. Instead I went to a counselor to try to overcome the debilitating feelings of overwhelm. She said “It’s a spiritual matter”. I was 36 then and not yet on my path of spiritual devotion so I didn’t really fully get that, though I was more than vaguely aware of the spiritual nature of my feelings and felt that God was somehow more present within the energies of me and this man. Of course, looking back I can see that it was just that he triggered some dormant part of my spiritual consciousness. He had a reggae radio show and would play songs directed at my life issues and through the music I accessed something previously inaccessible, or so was my illusion. The songs were filled with devotion to Jah and was the beginning of my transcendence from human directed, emotionally attached love to a more immense devotional love for God. Without being able to act on my feelings they were redirected by the music. This went on for almost 4 years. Then I took a trip to Senegal, Africa with my west african dance troupe to study dance and culture for 5 weeks.  I had an intense, spontaneous kundalini opening my first night there in that energy field of intense, heightened, spiritual-sexual  Mother earth rootedness. I thought I was dying but afterward I had an immense heart opening that filled me with boundless love so vast it never could have been held by this culture, but in this ancient culture I was normal and my wide open heart was held by the pure African friends I made there.

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That experience broke the spell of my infatuation and started me on my spiritual path in earnest. It was 2000, just at the turn of the new millenium. When I returned I was changed and my entire life became undone. It was like the container of my life could no longer hold the person I’d become. My marriage fell apart, my art career took a nose dive, I turned within, studied classical ballet, and began a daily yoga practice in an effort to regulate the released energies flooding my system. Looking back years later, I recognized that it was the build up of pent up emotional, spiritual, devotional, sexual longing that I had projected onto the man of my attraction that led to the huge release of my kundalini awakening. It took getting myself out of our western culture with it’s confusion of romantic love for Divine Love to experience the totality of what the ancient people know in their bones- that connection to God is the primary source of Love and fulfillment. This opening dismantled my life but also began the long (now 15 year) process of purifying my ego fears which have at times seemed bottomless- perhaps they are. But I’m getting there.  One by one they are dissolving into the vast ground of being which is the new container for my life. It’s my connection to the Holy Spirit which has allowed my fears to be released. This is happening rapidly now and being reflected in my new paintings, which are more channeled, intuitive, fluid, spontaneous and free. Letting go of ego control has supported me in letting go of creative control.

Opening to Grace_Web

Two nights ago I had another kundalini experience of heart opening into Divine Love that altered me permanently I think. As a mother, the strongest love I have known in this human life is the love for my children. The mother-infant bond is completely Unitive in a way no other human relationship can compare. As my children have grown up and now live far away I have been filled with that similar deep, aching longing for connection with them that was fleetingly tasted as a young mother, but can never truly satiate in a sustainable way . This has been going on for 10 years at least and has become unbearably painful at times. Without contact with them I’ve had no choice but to go within to that deeper connection to Source for comfort. The other day it seemed my longing for that emotional connection with my children came to a head. I prayed in my temple during my late afternoon meditation. I literally called in the Holy Spirit as I lay in bed before sleep. This redirected longing for my children into summoning of God brought in a huge wave of healing Grace as I was literally awaked by an infusion of the Holy Spirit coursing through my body and my heart expanded in boundless love equal to what I experienced in Senegal almost 16 years ago. It felt like the kundalini had worked it’s way through the lower chakra issues and moved into my heart space, at long last. The love was so vast, so timeless and so much larger than the love for my children or even this lifetime and I was overcome by the feeling that my children will always be in my heart and I will always be in theirs and that together we are cradled in God’s Love. It left me with a profound sense of peace and deep compassion for all beings that I have not experienced so strongly ever before.

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Here I share a bunch of my recent paintings that express my big shift that has been in the works since that catalyst of the man attraction those 20 years ago. It seems like a long time in the making and that it’s taken forever for me to understand that counselor’s words “It’s a spiritual matter” and I know the spiritual path has no end, yet I feel like I have made a quantum leap into my authentic essence of being and it feels victorious. I am in new territory. Blessings to you all~

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Blackburnian Warblers

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The fires of summer are warming and softening, allowing us to surrender to the heat that slows us down, to relax into just Being and invites us to daydream into the imagination of wonder and magic.

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These so-called lazy days of summer are really the most productive in that in the energy of play and relaxation brings us closer to the realms of unseen forces and the freedom of allowing spirit to move through us.  We become like the songbirds, singing and flying for the joy of it.  Allow the heat to relax your body, let your worries go, and be in Joy that summer celebrates so beautifully~

Original painting available here

Dream Time

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Blood red roses of Mother Earth, golden-yellow sunflowers of solar male power, magenta gladiolas of my radiant body, the green of nourishing plants and balance- I honor you and invite you into my Being, alchemizing your energies to enhance my wholeness and well-being.  I celebrate the vital force of life, in my garden, in myself.

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I welcome the transition from day to night and when we enter into Dream time, to the realms of the vast Universal sub consciousness; a time and place where we can shapeshift and create infinite possibilities within our psyches and our lives.

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This Weaver-Dreamer process of creation is seamless, from painting, to dreaming, to breathing, to witnessing and reflecting.  Energy comes in, circulates around, energy goes out like the waves that move in and out from the Pacific ocean at my temple gate.  We are just channels for this energy- here to receive and give back, all in the name of Love.  It’s a matter of staying centered in our heart space to attract and radiate Love.  I become more clear with each passing day that this is my one and only mission in Life.

Original painting available here

prints available here

Color Therapy for Solstice Light

One of the many beautiful benefits of art, both in the creating and enjoyment of it, is the healing quality of color therapy.

Peonies & Tulips

Peonies & Tulips

The vibrations of colors act on our energetic body to balance our emotional distress and acts on the subtle planes of our Being. My newest painting, Peonies and Tulips, was done during a week when I was dealing strongly with Universal Mother Love (pink), my sensual/sexual vitality (orange), and speaking my truth (turquoise).  At the time I wasn’t even conscious that I was using colors that directly correlated with the chakras that had been activated for healing.  It was only after going through this portal of initiation, growth, empowerment that I was able to look back and see how the process of painting had supported my inner process of coming into deeper alignment with my Divinity.  It is so magical and beautiful to surrender to our intuitive powers and let them guide us to what is real.  What is real for me at this time of the longest light of the summer solstice is that as I release false shame and blame from judgement placed on me by ego fears of the patriarchal culture, I am flying into the realms of the heart where I am vibrating at the frequency of Love, shining my light back to the sun as a reflection of the Divine Being I am.  And I am realizing this is my ultimate purpose- to radiate Love with my Being of which my painting is a direct extension.

Happy solstice dear friends- May you walk in the Light of your truth as a Divine Being and be happy in your heart for you come from Love and will return to Love, so Be the Love.

original painting available here

prints available here

Pow Wow

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I am currently really interested in combining realism and abstraction in my painting.  Like coming into balance with our dual natures, my aim is to harmonize these 2 opposites of our reality.  As in life, bliss comes from integrating all our diverse aspects into our Being. We are then whole and holy.

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Pow Wow is my ultimate fusion of these 2 approaches with my at the ready flowers from the farmers market on a field of paisley pattern- a distillation of abstract shapes into it’s most crystalized form.  It was an interesting experience and though I don’t think I will continue with this extreme contrast, this piece is sure to shape the creative expression yet to come.  I am curious to see what unfolds next out of this channel of mine.  Only the Gods know~

original painting available here

prints available here

 

GLO show

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The few hours I spend each morning painting is my time to make an offering to life, to the world.  It is really a spiritual practice of circulating my love back out to the Universe from where it came, without consideration of return.

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This offering of my art springs from an overwhelming feeling of passionate adoration and devotion that cannot be contained, and overflows from the bounty of my gratitude.

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The gallery becomes an altar of my offerings of love and gratitude to be experienced by people, so that the energy may recirculate once again, touching them with the vibrations of love.

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This completes the circle and allows me to bask in the fullness that giving brings.

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My featured artist show at Gallery Los Olivos runs through May 31.

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Hope you can swing by and soak in some love light.

On Expansion

Through The Portal_Web

Through The Portal- original painting available here

I still have my sea legs in my art realm after being tossed about in the ocean of psycho-spiritual transformation of the past year.  Along with all the layers of protective armoring, which kept me safe and sound all those decades, that were melted away, along went the familiar ground of my painting approach which also served to stabilize me emotionally and otherwise.

The new me is still trying to find a place to land, art wise.

Flowing With What Is_Web

Flowing- original painting available here

It’s like coming out of a long term marriage.  you do the inner work, you heal your wounds from childhood that got ripped open by the break up, you get yourself fit, healthy, beautiful, whole in yourself once again and feel ready for the dating scene.  But after outgrowing your partner you realize you are ready for a different type of person, but who would that be?  What qualities are important now? It seems the only way to find out is to explore different men, have some new experiences, try some on and see how they feel. That’s what i’ve been up to in these new forays with my painting.

 

Valley view

Valley View- original painting available here

It’s been a bit unsettling to say the least. The security blanket that kept me covered and cozy all those many years in the certainty of my art, no matter what was happening in my world, has been yanked off.  It’s a bit chilly out here in the open, all vulnerable and exposed.  But the amazing thing is that along with the sense of a lack of surety is a new found feeling of joy in my being that I’ve been experiencing on a visceral level. While getting acupuncture yesterday I actually had a feeling of bodily joy in my feet that was a physical sensation unlike anything I’ve ever had. Joy in my feet! Yeah, my reward.  It’s worth it to feel the upside of this raw vulnerability which is actually becoming more refined and subtle by the moment.

 

Orchid Orgy_web

Orchid Orgy- original painting available here

And so….. round and round and round she goes, where she stops nobody knows. And I’m okay with that.  I’ve decided to just allow exploration of new ground in each painting and view each one as a journey into growth and discovery, much as I do in my relationships.  We receive as much as we give and I am more devoted than ever to this path as Artist. I have trust that my higher self is co-creating with the Universe exactly what needs and wants to be expressed for me and for all who encounter my art.

 

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My newest painting in progress is of flowers from the market with a paisley background.  Who would have thought?  It’s all about being in this big, beautiful, wondrous mystery and opening to the magic there.

psssst- I have a coupon code for 20% off original paintings as well as my prints good through May 10, including any of these.  Coupon Code:  MOMS20

 

 

 

In Situ at my place

One of the wonderful benefits of being an artist is that we get to continually rotate the art in our homes and create a new, fresh look on a regular basis.

I recently framed a bunch of my new works and rehung some in my home.  here are a few shots-

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Break Away hanging over my reading/journaling couch in living room.

 

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Bunny With Cabbage over antique record player, Woodland Wildflowers over closet, One Step Closer To Heaven in dining room.

 

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Radiant Supreme over fireplace.

 

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Dancing With Desire and Spring Fling in entry.

 

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Rose Hips and Peony with eagle.

 

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Flights of Fancy at bottom of stairs.

 

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Starlight Magic, Myrna In The Morning and Shining Song in stairwell.

 

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SB Bird Refuge in corner by deck.

 

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Dream Shadows and Hydrangea Wonder in office.

 

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Soul Speak and small local landscapes in studio.

 

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Love Light in doorway of studio.

This new hanging has perked up my space with a joyful spirit and as per usual is a temporary display till my babies find their permanent homes.  In the meantime I am enjoying the refreshed vibe for spring. Hope your space gets some spring renewal now too- it’s a good time for this.

Lots of love~

She Speaks Through Me

Matilija Mountains

Matilija Mountains available here

This Sacred land embraced by nurturing mountains and the sparkling sea that is named after Saint Barbara speaks to me and I have learned to listen intently.  She called me here 9 1/2 years ago through a message in a dream.  I heard a voice loud and clear “Move to Santa Barbara, your new life is waiting for you there” and it was so strong, could not be ignored.  2 weeks later I drove here with my son Stuart- a 19 hour drive from Eugene where we lived at the time. As soon as we pulled into town I felt connection to the land, the place, a familiarity though I’d never been here before (except as a 2 year old baby I found out much later).

I met Casey my first day here- I’d had dreams of him too, recurrent dreams of driving the exact road along the coast that leads to the house I now share with him. I realize now that his soul had been calling me too, for years I’d had that dream of trying to reach him up on the bluffs above the shining sea, where I now have an angel temple, where I connect to Source, where I have been able to complement my calling to be an Artist with that of Priestess.  It feels like my destiny to be here, in this place, this life.

It turns out my maternal Grandparents lived here for a short time- my Grandfather was a doctor whose office is next to my bank, My Grandparents and Casey’s Grandparents went to the same church and most likely knew one another, but the biggest surprise of all was to learn that my Mother was conceived here.  I found all of this out several years after living here and it explains the magnetic pull and magical happenings that have occurred here.

I have finally found Home.  And when this happens, one’s energetic channels open up to receive the energetic fields of the nature.  Our electromagnetic waves are in alignment and I can easily resonate and entrain with the subtle forces.

 

Land & Sea Originals

Butterfly Beach available here

The land, trees, flowers, ocean, sky, stars, wind, birds… they all speak to me through my senses and feelings which are wide open here, receptive to the energy fields.  They are becoming my true friends as I’ve turned more away from the outer world and spend increasing amounts of time in nature, in my sea side temple, the beaches, the garden, in meditation and contemplation.

An interesting effect is taking place in myself and my work.  I am detaching from the need for outer approval of my art, for painting to please others, to sell, to impress.  Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.  I’m painting to feed the inner light that radiates from the Divine Love I experience when I am at one with Source energy- the same energy that emanates from all the natural life forces of this sacred earth.

I see this is a true movement out of fear-based motivations into a genuine Love. What a journey it has been to get here, but oh so liberating!

I am in this world but not of it~at least the world of the modern rat race.  The ancient world of the land and sea is the timeless one that I choose to inhabit.

Spring Seeds Sprouting

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I have been deep in my winter cocoon of creativity and transformation and am now emerging to birth my gifts out into the world to share with you.  This has been a period of fruitful growth as the seeds of spiritual love that I planted and and have nurtured with intense focus and devotion have bloomed into an abundance of paintings that are an expression of the vibration of love. I feel a potency in my creative energy as I move into a style of painting that is more spontaneous and intuitive as I trust my unconscious impulses more and more.

California Poppies Opening

This rebirth is so profound to me that I felt called to create a new web site to showcase my new identity, my new brand.  My lovely assistant, Trinity, and I have been diligently designing and building this new platform to showcase my evolving work.  My new site features an expanded shop with many new originals for sale, as well as a new line of limited edition prints of only 50 each, and a Specials Sale section for budget conscious art lovers.

Oneness with Nature

I have also begun a page called Wisdom Weavings in which I share some of my spiritual insights and inspiration that I have gained along my path as an artist which will be woven with different images. There will be many more added in coming days.

I hope this first day of Spring finds you all renewed and reaching toward the light of your own inner and outer growth.  May you be uplifted and soothed by my colorful beauty that has been channelled through my Being.

Love to all~ Erin

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