On the Dark Night Sea Journey to the depths of our Souls that lays beneath the murky waters of our ego fears is a light so illuminating as to make clear our way into Love. We just need to follow the light peering through once we are thrust overboard into these velvety fluid waves of undoing. Like a swimmer floating on the sea, allow the waves to rock us like a baby in a cradle, as we surrender to Divine Will. Then we will become a channel for the Light of Creative Love to flow through us and shine out into the world, brightening the darkness there.
Owl medicine has been coming back into my life this Fall. She had accompanied me on my dive down into the deep, dark feminine in 2001 after my divorce dark which brought up sexual wounds of early childhood for healing. Owl was Lilith’s companion animal, so fitting for the archetypal energies alive in me. At that time I did a life-size nude self portrait with an owl on my shoulder. There were owls living in the woods behind my house and I could hear them hoot at night. In the crux of my dark night, one appeared for a day on my trampoline in the front yard, staying there, staring at me, communing. I found out later she was probably injured and starving and asking for help, but I was too immersed in my own pain to hear her pleas. But something changed after her visitation. An inner strength welled within. I burned the huge watercolor painting of me as Lilith, having incorporated her feminine wisdom and sovereignty.
And now Owl has returned on my journey through the letting go of motherhood and the false notion that I can heal myself by nurturing my children. They don’t need or want my nurturing anymore and owl is helping me turn that nurturance back onto me.
She had been showing up in images, symbols and even a sighting in the neighborhood on an evening walk recently, asking me to honor her energies once again and allow her to lead my way. I did so with this watercolor as well as this clay piece and now her work is done, the medicine has had it’s healing effect and I’ve completed another very difficult passage in life and she has moved on, for now.
This summer has been an immersion into the deepest aspects of my soul I have ever experienced and it has been incredibly rich, fruitful and full of joy, as I truly come back to living from the inside out. After several years of releasing my ego identities and various roles, which was painful and full of suffering, I am now clear of obscurations which have kept my authentic Nature hidden. This has been a time of recalibrating and finding resonance with my True Nature who has nothing to prove and nobody to please. Just an empty Presence of Love.
A couple of months ago I cancelled all my social media accounts which were keeping me on the surface of myself and causing distraction. I’ve also taken a hiatus from painting and teaching these past couple of months and have directed my creative energy into feeding my soul through self discovery collage (including some with my baby pictures like this one), lots of journaling, gardening, and of course extensive meditations in my angel temple overlooking the sea. I spent 10 days with my father at his home on Longboat Key, FL where we communed heart to heart, spirit to spirit on the white sand beaches with the warm turquoise Gulf and heavenly clouds embracing us with love.
On this day before the big solar eclipse I feel released from the past and am now fully embodying my dwelling as Queen taking my throne on the seat of the heart of Love. My intention for this Leo new moon tomorrow and the phase following this eclipse is “I am a vessel of lovemaking between the Divine Mother and Father”. This eclipse moment is one of non-duality/Unity which can only be achieved by a state of pure Unconditional Love. I’m feeling this so powerfully. In vedic astrology it is advised to be inside with shades drawn doing spiritual practice during a solar eclipse. While the masses gather in huge crowds I will be in the yoga studio in savasana communing with my own heart and the immense love there.
May you be safely held in the embrace of the lovemaking between our Heavenly Father and our Earth Mother.
In the defeat of rejection by my kids and the art market last year, my primary identities as Mother and Artist were stripped away in one swift slamming of a door to a well worn path of a lifetime of pleasing other. With no other choice I stepped inside looking for myself in the depths beneath the roles I filled in the outer world. Though the journey through this ego death has been incredibly painful and disorienting, the landing has been soft and sweet and I like who I found here. Unconditional love and pure Presence; acceptance of all my light and shadow parts; an embracing of my very human imperfections. It is enough to just embody these qualities in the world and be myself.