Posts Tagged ‘Transformation’

Luminous Darkness

On the Dark Night Sea Journey to the depths of our Souls that lays beneath the murky waters of our ego fears is a light so illuminating as to make clear our way into Love. We just need to follow the light peering through once we are thrust overboard into these velvety fluid waves of undoing. Like a swimmer floating on the sea, allow the waves to rock us like a baby in a cradle, as we surrender to Divine Will. Then we will become a channel for the Light of Creative Love to flow through us and shine out into the world, brightening the darkness there.

Owl Wisdom

Owl medicine has been coming back into my life this Fall. She had accompanied me on my dive down into the deep, dark feminine in 2001 after my divorce dark which brought up sexual wounds of early childhood for healing. Owl was Lilith’s companion animal, so fitting for the archetypal energies alive in me. At that time I did a life-size nude self portrait with an owl on my shoulder. There were owls living in the woods behind my house and I could hear them hoot at night. In the crux of my dark night, one appeared for a day on my trampoline in the front yard, staying there, staring at me, communing. I found out later she was probably injured and starving and asking for help, but I was too immersed in my own pain to hear her pleas. But something changed after her visitation. An inner strength welled within. I burned the huge watercolor painting of me as Lilith, having incorporated her feminine wisdom and sovereignty.

And now Owl has returned on my journey through the letting go of motherhood and the false notion that I can heal myself by nurturing my children. They don’t need or want my nurturing anymore and owl is helping me turn that nurturance back onto me.

She had been showing up in images, symbols and even a sighting in the neighborhood on an evening walk recently, asking me to honor her energies once again and allow her to lead my way. I did so with this watercolor as well as this clay piece and now her work is done, the medicine has had it’s healing effect and I’ve completed another very difficult passage in life and she has moved on, for now.

 

Recalibration

This summer has been an immersion into the deepest aspects of my soul I have ever experienced and it has been incredibly rich, fruitful and full of joy, as I truly come back to living from the inside out. After several years of releasing my ego identities and various roles, which was painful and full of suffering, I am now clear of obscurations which have kept my authentic Nature hidden. This has been a time of recalibrating and finding resonance with my True Nature who has nothing to prove and nobody to please. Just an empty Presence of Love.

A couple of months ago I cancelled all my social media accounts which were keeping me on the surface of myself and causing distraction. I’ve also taken a hiatus from painting and teaching these past couple of months and have directed my creative energy into feeding my soul through self discovery collage (including some with my baby pictures like this one), lots of journaling, gardening, and of course extensive meditations in my angel temple overlooking the sea. I spent 10 days with my father at his home on Longboat Key, FL where we communed heart to heart, spirit to spirit on the white sand beaches with the warm turquoise Gulf and heavenly clouds embracing us with love.

On this day before the big solar eclipse I feel released from the past and am now fully embodying my dwelling as Queen taking my throne on the seat of the heart of Love. My intention for this Leo new moon tomorrow and the phase following this eclipse is “I am a vessel of lovemaking between the Divine Mother and Father”. This eclipse moment is one of non-duality/Unity which can only be achieved by a state of pure Unconditional Love. I’m feeling this so powerfully. In vedic astrology it is advised to be inside with shades drawn doing spiritual practice during a solar eclipse. While the masses gather in huge crowds I will be in the yoga studio in savasana communing with my own heart and the immense love there.

May you be safely held in the embrace of the lovemaking between our Heavenly Father and our Earth Mother.

Soft Landing

In the defeat of rejection by my kids and the art market last year, my primary identities as Mother and Artist were stripped away in one swift slamming of a door to a well worn path of a lifetime of pleasing other. With no other choice I stepped inside looking for myself in the depths beneath the roles I filled in the outer world. Though the journey through this ego death has been incredibly painful and disorienting, the landing has been soft and sweet and I like who I found here.  Unconditional love and pure Presence;  acceptance of all my light and shadow parts; an embracing of my very human imperfections. It is enough to just embody these qualities in the world and be myself.

Self Respect

Skunk medicine has been coming in, showing up in the pre dawn hours as I make my way down the garden path to my meditation temple, carrying Georgie so he doesn’t chase the nocturnal creatures who are so active at this time. Skunk is very shy, cautious and illusive, yet one glance at her makes all mammals give her lots of space and utter respect. She only sprays when threatened and will do all she can to avoid this defense because at her core she is very peaceful. But when cornered or provoked she will retaliate very powerfully and the opponent will be sorry. I love her lessons of energetic boundaries and peaceful avoidance of conflict, yet with a powerful defense that demands respect of others. When we respect ourselves we honor our authenticity and we nurture ourselves and from that place of security we are better able to serve others. She is a beautiful emanation of this and she also sports the black stripe of kundalini energy up her spine, marking her connection to goddess energy. When I align with her I align with my true nature which is that of self love. I am taking a page from her book and making my word for the new year Self Respect. The animals with their healthy instincts in tact have so much to teach us if we open up to their messages. Skunk print available here: Skunk Print

I am happy to be offering a workshop at the Carpinteria Art Center on Saturday February 11 on Painting Your Animal Totem. Here is more information: Paint Your Animal Totem workshop

 

Rebirth

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The original wound gets punctured over and over again until finally the gash becomes so deep it is an opening to the eye of God and tears of compassionate joy stream down, washing over the soul with love and tenderness toward oneself and all beings. The sacred wound becomes the source of new life, regenerating the body, mind and spirit with nourishing seeds that will ripen into bountiful fruits. One needs only to stay present with the pain and offer a witness of loving kindness to the injured self from the wisdom of God within. Then one becomes part of the flow of eternal life and love.

 

Magical Flight

Birds, butterflies, dragonflies, hummingbirds have all seemed to enter my realm as of late. I am recognizing the energy of magical flight into realms beyond the mundane they symbolize for me as I heed their calling into a world of freedom, delight, and magic that I seem to inhabit more and more in my everyday life.

Let The Light In_Web

Original Painting available here:  Let The Light In

They are an invitation to return to our natural state of joy as we rest deeply with trust in the arms of the Divine Love which holds us every moment.

Joy Bubble_Web

Original painting available here:  Joy Bubble

These winged creatures are a living symbol of ancient Goddess energy, always have been associated with Her power. May they guide us with their magical flights of fancy and freedom.

Spread Yours Wings_web

Original painting available here: Spread Your Wings

New Year, New Self, New Name- Carissa Joie Luminess

The purification process that was initiated by my kundalini opening in Senegal, Africa back in 2000 is finally complete.  I know that transformation is a life-long process but I can say for sure that for the most part, all the false beliefs, the ego fears, the insecurities and doubts, the co-dependence, the ego grasping, the emotional neediness, etc etc has been burned away and dissolved form my body/mind/spirit vessel.  What this feels like to me is a solid grounding and stable footing in the energy of the Divine and a basic sense of Love at my core instead of fear.  It’s been quite a process and a lot of work and consciousness, including many daily practices, body work, dream work, inquiry and journeying inner and outer.

My word for 2016 is Grace which to me means an embodiment of the Divine- that one has opened to receive the Holy Spirit.  On the night of the winter solstice I had a dream that I gave birth to my own grand daughter and I couldn’t figure out her name so I asked her what is was. She told me that she’d named herself Carissa which I’d never heard before. When I awoke I googled Carissa to find out it means Beloved, Grace. Over the years I’ve learned to pay great attention to my dreams and I trust the wisdom there more than I trust anything in this life. My dreams are my direct connection to Spirit within, to Grace itself. This dream had such potency to me and the meaning is so clear. My rebirth is complete and I am now Carissa Joie Luminess.  Carissa for Grace, Joy spelled the french way to honor my newly discovered 22% heritage according to 23andMe, and Luminess as in to illuminate (to shine light from within) combined with the royal “ess” as in empress, baroness, princess.

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This new phase of the birth of Carissa Joie Luminess coincides with my second Saturn return as my change from Erin Roberts to Erin Williams coincided with my first when I married. This is a natural time to move into my new identity as a crone, wise woman as I take on teaching art/spirituality workshops and as an artist as my paintings have a significantly different look and feel that is all about Carissa who is channeling the creativity of the Divine.

Erin got me here and I am so grateful for her courage on the path she took- Wow, the intensities, the extremes and yes, the darkness. She was a true personification of the Persephone archetype, whisked off to the Underworld by Hades. I have truly been in that shadow world and know it well.

But, she has now returned to Mother Gaia during this light half of the year, reborn to the light last third of her life as Carissa to be in bliss and Unity with the Divine and the Holy Spirit. My hope is to spread my love and wisdom to the world in a bigger way.

Isn’t it just marvelous and amazing that we can co=create with the Universe to design our own lives and form our own identities, and even name ourselves if we wish.

How delightful reality is!

Love from Carissa Luminess~

From human longing to Divine Love

Infinite Bliss_Web

20 years ago when I was married I thought I fell in love with another man. We had some kind of magical, mysterious connection that was powerful and un-namable but very palpable within our energetic field. I became obsessed and filled with a deep, aching longing that took over my life. Being a good wife, of course I never acted upon this magnetic attraction. Instead I went to a counselor to try to overcome the debilitating feelings of overwhelm. She said “It’s a spiritual matter”. I was 36 then and not yet on my path of spiritual devotion so I didn’t really fully get that, though I was more than vaguely aware of the spiritual nature of my feelings and felt that God was somehow more present within the energies of me and this man. Of course, looking back I can see that it was just that he triggered some dormant part of my spiritual consciousness. He had a reggae radio show and would play songs directed at my life issues and through the music I accessed something previously inaccessible, or so was my illusion. The songs were filled with devotion to Jah and was the beginning of my transcendence from human directed, emotionally attached love to a more immense devotional love for God. Without being able to act on my feelings they were redirected by the music. This went on for almost 4 years. Then I took a trip to Senegal, Africa with my west african dance troupe to study dance and culture for 5 weeks.  I had an intense, spontaneous kundalini opening my first night there in that energy field of intense, heightened, spiritual-sexual  Mother earth rootedness. I thought I was dying but afterward I had an immense heart opening that filled me with boundless love so vast it never could have been held by this culture, but in this ancient culture I was normal and my wide open heart was held by the pure African friends I made there.

Transcendance_web

That experience broke the spell of my infatuation and started me on my spiritual path in earnest. It was 2000, just at the turn of the new millenium. When I returned I was changed and my entire life became undone. It was like the container of my life could no longer hold the person I’d become. My marriage fell apart, my art career took a nose dive, I turned within, studied classical ballet, and began a daily yoga practice in an effort to regulate the released energies flooding my system. Looking back years later, I recognized that it was the build up of pent up emotional, spiritual, devotional, sexual longing that I had projected onto the man of my attraction that led to the huge release of my kundalini awakening. It took getting myself out of our western culture with it’s confusion of romantic love for Divine Love to experience the totality of what the ancient people know in their bones- that connection to God is the primary source of Love and fulfillment. This opening dismantled my life but also began the long (now 15 year) process of purifying my ego fears which have at times seemed bottomless- perhaps they are. But I’m getting there.  One by one they are dissolving into the vast ground of being which is the new container for my life. It’s my connection to the Holy Spirit which has allowed my fears to be released. This is happening rapidly now and being reflected in my new paintings, which are more channeled, intuitive, fluid, spontaneous and free. Letting go of ego control has supported me in letting go of creative control.

Opening to Grace_Web

Two nights ago I had another kundalini experience of heart opening into Divine Love that altered me permanently I think. As a mother, the strongest love I have known in this human life is the love for my children. The mother-infant bond is completely Unitive in a way no other human relationship can compare. As my children have grown up and now live far away I have been filled with that similar deep, aching longing for connection with them that was fleetingly tasted as a young mother, but can never truly satiate in a sustainable way . This has been going on for 10 years at least and has become unbearably painful at times. Without contact with them I’ve had no choice but to go within to that deeper connection to Source for comfort. The other day it seemed my longing for that emotional connection with my children came to a head. I prayed in my temple during my late afternoon meditation. I literally called in the Holy Spirit as I lay in bed before sleep. This redirected longing for my children into summoning of God brought in a huge wave of healing Grace as I was literally awaked by an infusion of the Holy Spirit coursing through my body and my heart expanded in boundless love equal to what I experienced in Senegal almost 16 years ago. It felt like the kundalini had worked it’s way through the lower chakra issues and moved into my heart space, at long last. The love was so vast, so timeless and so much larger than the love for my children or even this lifetime and I was overcome by the feeling that my children will always be in my heart and I will always be in theirs and that together we are cradled in God’s Love. It left me with a profound sense of peace and deep compassion for all beings that I have not experienced so strongly ever before.

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Here I share a bunch of my recent paintings that express my big shift that has been in the works since that catalyst of the man attraction those 20 years ago. It seems like a long time in the making and that it’s taken forever for me to understand that counselor’s words “It’s a spiritual matter” and I know the spiritual path has no end, yet I feel like I have made a quantum leap into my authentic essence of being and it feels victorious. I am in new territory. Blessings to you all~

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On Expansion

Through The Portal_Web

Through The Portal- original painting available here

I still have my sea legs in my art realm after being tossed about in the ocean of psycho-spiritual transformation of the past year.  Along with all the layers of protective armoring, which kept me safe and sound all those decades, that were melted away, along went the familiar ground of my painting approach which also served to stabilize me emotionally and otherwise.

The new me is still trying to find a place to land, art wise.

Flowing With What Is_Web

Flowing- original painting available here

It’s like coming out of a long term marriage.  you do the inner work, you heal your wounds from childhood that got ripped open by the break up, you get yourself fit, healthy, beautiful, whole in yourself once again and feel ready for the dating scene.  But after outgrowing your partner you realize you are ready for a different type of person, but who would that be?  What qualities are important now? It seems the only way to find out is to explore different men, have some new experiences, try some on and see how they feel. That’s what i’ve been up to in these new forays with my painting.

 

Valley view

Valley View- original painting available here

It’s been a bit unsettling to say the least. The security blanket that kept me covered and cozy all those many years in the certainty of my art, no matter what was happening in my world, has been yanked off.  It’s a bit chilly out here in the open, all vulnerable and exposed.  But the amazing thing is that along with the sense of a lack of surety is a new found feeling of joy in my being that I’ve been experiencing on a visceral level. While getting acupuncture yesterday I actually had a feeling of bodily joy in my feet that was a physical sensation unlike anything I’ve ever had. Joy in my feet! Yeah, my reward.  It’s worth it to feel the upside of this raw vulnerability which is actually becoming more refined and subtle by the moment.

 

Orchid Orgy_web

Orchid Orgy- original painting available here

And so….. round and round and round she goes, where she stops nobody knows. And I’m okay with that.  I’ve decided to just allow exploration of new ground in each painting and view each one as a journey into growth and discovery, much as I do in my relationships.  We receive as much as we give and I am more devoted than ever to this path as Artist. I have trust that my higher self is co-creating with the Universe exactly what needs and wants to be expressed for me and for all who encounter my art.

 

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My newest painting in progress is of flowers from the market with a paisley background.  Who would have thought?  It’s all about being in this big, beautiful, wondrous mystery and opening to the magic there.

psssst- I have a coupon code for 20% off original paintings as well as my prints good through May 10, including any of these.  Coupon Code:  MOMS20